6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
