Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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