I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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