Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
