I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
