Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Pants are for mortals
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
