He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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