I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
