she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
