Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
