the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
