just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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