Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.