We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT