Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
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Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
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I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.