So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection