new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.