Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
