There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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