Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You made out with two different species that night
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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