i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
