the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
