We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
