I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's blow job season.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
