Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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