I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
