after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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