I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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