There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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