Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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