we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
