I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
