I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
