No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
