my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
