It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
