i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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