We won't sleep together?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
