Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
