So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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