your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
