he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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