do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
