Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
