I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
