So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
