I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
