It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
