hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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