Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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