This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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