a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
