I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
