I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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