I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
