it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You ate ashes out of my bong
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
