I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
