This girl is more easily done than said...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
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there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
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He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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