and she was petting her beer can
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
