My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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