two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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