I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
