the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
