when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She said her name was "party"
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
