yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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