my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
