Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
