She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
