Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
