So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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