Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
