We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
