i think my tv is drunk
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.