Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...