Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.