we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Who the fuck stole my fridge again