I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.