May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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