My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
