he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize