chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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