Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
